Trailer Park Ecstasy Lost: The Tale of Britney Spears

Spears was recently seen on The Today show blubbering about the paparazzi not leaving her alone. I don't think I've ever seen someone crying and chewing gum at the same time.   I'm sure I can make a cow do the same if I poke it in the eye while it is chewing cud.  Poor dumb animals.

I've heard people say poor Britney her mom did it to her or the paparazzi did it.  Well do you notice who the paparazzi gravitates to?  The more 'Ho' factor, the more uncouth, the more they are hounded.  If I were Britney I would wear a moo moo, put curlers in my hair and carry a coin purse.  Nothing is more repugnant yet backwoods wholesome than that.

And to those who say she should dump Federline.  I say NAY!  Look, she could drop him but would that be best?  She says he is a simple man. That is a perfect match for a simple woman.  Both are disconnected from reality and eat paste.  Nothing says love more than that.

That is my post and I'm sticking to it!

-portzer #2

Bill Gates and the Oompa Loompa Empire…

Am I not turtley enough for the turtle club. Turtle, turtle, turtle!

Well it appears that Mr. Gates is going to step down from running day to day operations at Microsoft.  I guess it will be really nice to chill at home and sip a 40.  I mean come on, the dude is more powerful than Oprah.  I guess he is going to retire so that he can protect the secret treasure that our forefathers had hidden for hundreds of years.  Or he can hopefully go through a mid-life crisis, buy a Jag, get a Clay Aiken haircut, two monkeys that do Aikido and eat broccoli, and learn a new sense of fashion from Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen (that's right oversized rose colored glasses, big wooden beads and a shirt that will show off his non-existent chest).  I say hopefully because he looks like the character Dana Carvey played to get into the Turtle club.  What makes it even further amusing is if you imagine Gates running in slow motion with his lips out and his head hunched over while Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive" plays in the background.  'Im a coWboy, on a steel horse IIII riiIIIIiide!!! IIIII'mMm WANTED DEAD OR ALIIIIIIIIVE!!!'

Well, I think we portzers (not portzer #1) will be ruling the world soon.  Through ninjitsu, |_33+ [0d||\|G, and our savvy business sense.  While I think portzer #1 will be left homeless having lost all of his money running a poop site with Mr. Greenstein.  Although, by our search and tag hits, it looks like the poo is popular.

Well good luck and have fun Bill.

Ride on cowboy… ride on…

portzer #2