Naomi Campbell – taking lessons from Ike Turner, is beating the crap out of her subordinates. It is not clear what have driven her to violence, but a combination of getting older, a face that looks like it is covered in parafin wax, and crack cocaine are likely culprits.
In 2003, Naomi threw a cell phone at her victim, an assistant, while throwing a temper tantrum. It became clear that Naomi loves using phones as weapons. In 2006 she upped the anti by apparently wielding a cell phone and dropping bombs on her replacement assistant’s dome. This latest assistant needed four stitches to the cranium after they cleaned her up.
What causes cell phone rage? As mentioned Naomi has had a lot of plastic surgery. Her face looks like it has been preserved by aliens, with a 1,000 year shelf life. Most people just get old, Naomi gets even, with her face. Now this kind of mentality can lead to random violence, like when she looks in the mirror and notices what looks like a piece of cellophane peeling off of her cheek. That type of occurence does not promote inner peace.
What’s next for Naomi? I would recommend a dual-wield setup with a Motorola in the main hand and a Kyocera in the weak hand for maximum damage. Motorola’s are heavier and have more stopping power. While Kyocera’s allow for light and quick attacks that send the target fleeing in terror. As for durability of the phones, that is not certain as it was not their design to be wielded as a weapon.
There are pioneers for everything, for Naomi campbell, her claim to fame will be cell phone rage.
Posted by irqportz 
