September 22, 2006
missle song eat fish
WTF!? WTF are you on man…
teh cw
As you probably have sadly learned they turned Clark Kent into teh ghey…
roseanne barr nude
degenerate… damn dirty degenerate…
peeing in public pools
Be carefull of not doing this in some pools due to the special dye they put in it to detect when one has evacuated their bladder off all urine. You could probably get away with this act in most public pools and some school ones but you never know. It is like Russian roulette. Fire off a round if you dare. But if you are found out say you are quite hygenic and the red stuff is really from that chewable dye tablet that detects plaque on your teeth.
INTRODUCTION TO IRQ
I’m portzer #2 and… nm you probably wanted to know about real irq’s. Well I find them boring so I won’t bother. But the last time I seriously had to configure an IRQ was when I played Sam and Max hit the Road in DOS.
I want a deeper voice
Well I have thought about this since there have been many searches on this issue being directed to our site. Either hit puberty or… Here’s my theory. A man’s voice becomes higher when he is kicked in the crotch. What if it was well… taken care of? I say try pawing it like a little kitten and see if that helps. Then we will all laugh at you because you played with yourself and we tricked you into doing so.
I’m out foo’s
Portzer #2
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Bladder control, Botox bimbo, Crack addiction, Crazy, Creepy smiles, Doing lines off a hooker, High Shamans of Ho-ocity, Keep your pants on, Media retardation, Mel's gigantic sac, Roseanne Barr, STD Epicenter, Second Sign of the Apocalypse, Toilet, crotch rot, dirty bomb, feces, funkonomics, malt liquor, one brain celled organism, painful rituals, shank a fool, summer diarrhea | 
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Posted by irqportz
September 13, 2006
Well I just had to post this new advertisement. If Superman Returns didn’t have enough articles about “is Superman gay?” then this will surely generate more.
Sweet merciful crap man… Poor poor Tom Welling…
And now I present the CW ad entitled “Teh GHEYNESS SUPREME”
2 Comments | 
Corn and Peanuts, Crazy, Media retardation, Meteor Rocks made me do it, Smallville, Smoked too much of the rock, Stupid execs, Tom Welling | 
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Posted by irqportz
September 13, 2006
Let me start with… THAT WAS THE LONGEST TITLE EVAH!!!
Ok, now to the news.
Paris Hilton was recently arrested on DUI charges but got out within less than three hours without posting bail. Apparently the watch commander thought it was too dangerous to have the paparazzi around.
What I think the real reason is that the watch commander was more worried about the toxic seepage coming from Hilton. Being anorexic, full of toxins, and STD’s makes her a biohazard that only a swat robot can come into contact with and not corrode in a minute (swat robots will go down in 5 minutes).
But Hilton had a .8 blood alcohol level. This is probably very bad as seeing she has a .0001 brain cell count and is unable to comprehend anything if she is looking at the pictures in See Spot Run let alone driving while drunk.
Well I’m glad she got arrested and hope she learns something
WHORE… (Tourettes moment)
Portzer #2
1 Comment | 
Crack addiction, DUI, Doing lines off a hooker, Fecal stained prison waterslide, Paris Hilton, Partying with Mel, Rich blondes, STD Epicenter, Smoked too much of the rock, Trailer park, Who is my babies daddy, crotch rot, dirty bomb, multi-classifiable whore, one brain celled organism | 
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Posted by irqportz
September 7, 2006
I would like to personally nominate Nancy Grace for the reward of filling the airwaves with the most useless, drivel about a 10 year old case that no one cares about anymore. On Labor day (August 28th), I had the misfortune of going to a barbeque where the people had this CNN special playing aobut the JonBenet Ramsey case. I cannot count the number of times she repeated the same information, over and over in a mind-numbing southern drone. (Removed comment about throwing hamburgers at people with southern accents).
At the time I began to wonder, why does this 10 year old case matter? What is so much more special about a rich, blonde “beauty pageant contestant” getting killed than anyone else? I don’t get it. It’s been 10 years, can we drop it please? This also brings to mind the Natalie Holloway case, another rich, blonde. What’s the deal with the blondes?
The thing that annoyed me most about Nancy, is she kept going into a slow dramatic voice, and repeating the same grisly details about the murder over and over, as if its something new. I’m sorry, but re-reading a 10 year old police report is not news. Not only that, she said that sicko Karr guy was guilty of doing the crime without any evidence. Authorities said that he completely made it up. And why do you think he made it up? I bet she have never been on a fecal stained prison water slide in Thailand.
In anycase, CNN must’ve hired this lady to keep up with FOX new’s “it’s not news but we’re talking about it anyway” stories. It has the substance of cotton candy, you take a bite and it it melts into nothing. This lady needs to be on a soap opera, not a news show. That anguished, cheesy accent will come in quite handy.
*** Update: ***
It appears Nancy Grace has struck again. This time she tried to squeeze some tears and strife out of a completely unwilling Elizabeth Smart. Ms. Smart was clearly moving on with her life and talking about a victims bill or some such, when Mrs. Grace switched to her sappy sob voice and dove headfirst into unnecessary details about Elizabeth’s captivity. Elizabeth was furious. See for yourself!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5×8ARIxg51I
Portzer #3
21 Comments | Bush, Connie Chung, Creepy smiles, Drama, Fecal stained prison waterslide, Getting a deep voice, Lost, Media hysteria, Muay Thai, Nancy Grace, Rich blondes, Smoked too much of the rock, Soap operas, Thailand prisons are not fun, The View, Trailer park, apocalypse, dingle commentary, nigh endings, poor country loving | Permalink
Posted by irqportz
September 1, 2006
Ladies and Gentlemen….
The world is now safe. My mother was not allowed to bring her empanadas on board her flight home. For the uninitiated and the un-Mexican, empanadas are pastries which have a semi-circular dough like exterior and a filling that is the consistency of pumpkin pie filling. (and yes there are a few more cultures which have empanadas).
Well my mother called the airline for advice as to whether she could board with an empanada and they denied her due to it having a filling. Wow…
If this is what America is coming to I do not like it. I love this country but for the love of Pete, no empanadas. Although there are the many terrorists that will MacGyver a pastry to bring the crew of a plane to their knees. And God help us all if they had a Smuckers Uncrustable.
But if I were a terrorist I think I could smuggle in the necessary items without much hassle. I would disguise myself as a female kindergarten teacher. The large beaded necklace could be made out of C4 and the wire to attach to the power source would be in said necklace. I would then power it with a toilet paper roll wrapped with the necklace wire and then have the energy go into a capacitor which I would get from my “earrings”. Then I would eat paste and animal crackers while reflecting on my evil genius.
Things to be banned after the release of this article…
- Large-bead necklaces (good because they are freaky anyways)
- Toilet paper rolls
- Earrings
- Paste (bad because I need a tasty treat… well it is already banned I guess… well maybe not in gluestick form…)
Portzer #2
Leave a Comment » | Art of War, MacGyver, Smoked too much of the rock, Toilet, WoW gold farmer, airport security, apocalypse, feces, hacks, haxxing, nigh endings, ninja stealthing techniques, oil and lube, patriotic thong, terrorist attack | Permalink
Posted by irqportz
Nancy Grace – attention whore of the month award
September 7, 2006I would like to personally nominate Nancy Grace for the reward of filling the airwaves with the most useless, drivel about a 10 year old case that no one cares about anymore. On Labor day (August 28th), I had the misfortune of going to a barbeque where the people had this CNN special playing aobut the JonBenet Ramsey case. I cannot count the number of times she repeated the same information, over and over in a mind-numbing southern drone. (Removed comment about throwing hamburgers at people with southern accents).
At the time I began to wonder, why does this 10 year old case matter? What is so much more special about a rich, blonde “beauty pageant contestant” getting killed than anyone else? I don’t get it. It’s been 10 years, can we drop it please? This also brings to mind the Natalie Holloway case, another rich, blonde. What’s the deal with the blondes?
The thing that annoyed me most about Nancy, is she kept going into a slow dramatic voice, and repeating the same grisly details about the murder over and over, as if its something new. I’m sorry, but re-reading a 10 year old police report is not news. Not only that, she said that sicko Karr guy was guilty of doing the crime without any evidence. Authorities said that he completely made it up. And why do you think he made it up? I bet she have never been on a fecal stained prison water slide in Thailand.
In anycase, CNN must’ve hired this lady to keep up with FOX new’s “it’s not news but we’re talking about it anyway” stories. It has the substance of cotton candy, you take a bite and it it melts into nothing. This lady needs to be on a soap opera, not a news show. That anguished, cheesy accent will come in quite handy.
*** Update: ***
It appears Nancy Grace has struck again. This time she tried to squeeze some tears and strife out of a completely unwilling Elizabeth Smart. Ms. Smart was clearly moving on with her life and talking about a victims bill or some such, when Mrs. Grace switched to her sappy sob voice and dove headfirst into unnecessary details about Elizabeth’s captivity. Elizabeth was furious. See for yourself!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5×8ARIxg51I
Portzer #3