Cell phone rage

Naomi Campbell

Naomi Campbell – taking lessons from Ike Turner, is beating the crap out of her subordinates.  It is not clear what have driven her to violence, but a combination of getting older, a face that looks like it is covered in parafin wax, and crack cocaine are likely culprits.

In 2003, Naomi threw a cell phone at her victim, an assistant, while throwing a temper tantrum.  It became clear that Naomi loves using phones as weapons.  In 2006 she upped the anti by apparently wielding a cell phone and dropping bombs on her replacement assistant’s dome. This latest assistant needed four stitches to the cranium after they cleaned her up.

What causes cell phone rage?  As mentioned Naomi has had a lot of plastic surgery.  Her face looks like it has been preserved by aliens, with a 1,000 year shelf life.  Most people just get old, Naomi gets even, with her face.  Now this kind of mentality can lead to random violence, like when she looks in the mirror and notices what looks like a piece of cellophane peeling off of her cheek.  That type of occurence does not promote inner peace.

What’s next for Naomi?  I would recommend a dual-wield setup with a Motorola in the main hand and a Kyocera in the weak hand for maximum damage.  Motorola’s are heavier and have more stopping power.  While Kyocera’s allow for light and quick attacks that send the target fleeing in terror.  As for durability of the phones, that is not certain as it was not their design to be wielded as a weapon.

There are pioneers for everything, for Naomi campbell, her claim to fame will be cell phone rage.


About irqportz

Disclaimer:  This site is not endorsed or maintained by any company or corporate entity. The opinions herein are solely those of the authors. Topics on this blog consist of a wide variety including but not limited to Internet technology, and bladder control.

5 responses to “Cell phone rage”

  1. The SHZA says :

    She’s still aight’. She may have that candle face but I would be the wick, know wut I’m saying yo? WORD TO YO NANNA!! Piece out beeches!

    P.S. Snuggles and cracker crumbles to my lady Naomi

  2. Rob Stewfry says :

    Well I would suggest she dual wield Treo 700p’s. They are slower but if you crit with them you’re guarenteed dazing the target. Not to mention if she uses her supermodel cocaine rage ability the damage is tripled.

  3. Dennis Green Stein says :

    wen yyou drin k as mcuh as me, seh alswys luuks prettee. wenm i ws drinkn rubing alcomohol onece, i tryd to liht a candel and remindd me of goin g to ring my cell fone !!1

    i liek ir q potdz

    denni s

  4. ragedookie says :

    I am curious as to whether or not this site actually is known and approved by aol management. At times the authors seem irreverent and at others far to PC. Well, support it all you like. A few of us “renegade techs” have launched our very own “hate site” dedicated to the steaming turd that is AOL. http://www.f**kyouaol.com , although one has to insert the two missing letters of ‘u’ and ‘c’. Doctored pics of leadership coming soon… booya!

  5. irqportz says :

    What’cha talkin bout Willis? This site approved by some company’s management? Why would we need that? I’m confused, last time I checked this is http://www.wordpress.com.

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