Archive | August 2006

Conan at the 2006 Emmy’s

Conan O’brien was a presenter at the Emmy’s last night.  The opening skit began with a parody of Lost but many people found it to be offensive.  Only two hours before a plane had crashed in Kentucky.  An actual plane crashing was not shown but extreme turbulence with Mr. O’Brien bouncing about was shown.

Yes this is a tragedy but how can you blame them for releasing something so close to the time it happened.  People really need to think about it this way…

Law & Order deals with murders so should everytime a murder takes place the show be yanked off the air? Or should shows be censored from having people dying in car accidents because the same thing happens in real life?

What type of guideline should these people use?  How big of a tragedy does it have to be in order to be worthy enough to yank the “objectional” content.

Just something to think about…

BTW Conan was funny…

Portzer #2

Whatever you do, don’t click this.

It’s rare that we come across a gross video that is too extreme, even for us.  This time may be the exception.  In this video, you will find some truly repulsive utilizations of dog poo (yes, it’s dog poo, so it’s not *that* bad). 

If you’re in the callcenter, you probably won’t get in trouble, but it might make you gag at the customer.  If you are the casual internet viewer, watch at the risk of your own disgust.  Whatever you do, do not click it. 

You were warned!

http://ebaumsworld.com/2006/07/poopeater.html

“Dr. Airportlove or how I learned to scare with the toothpaste bomb…”

oils and lubes

So it appears another terrorist plot was averted. Airports have been slowed to a crawl due to the most recent threat. The plot was believed to be near execution and was believed to target flights headed towards New York, Washington, and California.

The suspects were planning to make a bomb out of liquids and gels in harmless appearing containers. All liquids, gels and some portable media devices are being banned from boarding the planes. This leaves thousands of Londoners without their rave music, glowsticks and X. Not to mention little Bobby’s cheese whiz. No huffing for you. Only essential medications and baby food are being allowed on board.

Can’t anyone see!! It’s the babies damn it, they are the terrorist. Who knows what kind of backwash they hid in their mother’s bossoms (a backup plan if their food was not let aboard). Not to mention the diapers (AKA dirty bombs).

I know this is possible. I’ve seen Baby Geniuses 1 & 2. I have watched it over and over, studying their ways and analyzing their behaviors.

Beware the MacGyver babies… BEWARE!!

Portzer #2

P.S.

Soon I see us all flying around in planes more barren than NASA’s KC-135 while in the nude. How do you vision the big lady sitting next to you now…?

p.s. p.s.

…that would be a big ol’ saggy booby on yo leg

We Gettin’ Canned Yo

At one time there was a great deal of speculation concerning AOL layoff rumors. That speculation is no more. It is now clear that all of the Tucson sites will be laid off in the near future (i.e. less than 6 months from now).

It’s an inevitable state of affairs if you look at AOL’s changing business model. They are changing revenue to be advertisement based and not subscription based. To accelerate that, they are giving free service to those who have high speed and do not want tech support. Clearly they are stepping away from a software platform, and embracing one that is web based. Hence no need for techs (us).

To make the possibility even more clear, they admitted to needing to layoff 5,000 people (duh), 3,000 of which will come from Europe. The other 2,000 will likely be us here in Tucson, and whatever callcenters remain (I think Abequerque). It is our belief that India will stay on to be the last techs. Why cut the cheap ones first? (thinking like an idiot bean counter).

So anyway we post here to put any speculation to rest, and plan for the future. Yes we were those guys that walked you through deleting files and reinstalling CD’s. Yes we wrote disgusting articles shortly after talking with you. We were those guys.

We hold little ill-will towards our employer. Much like you would not hold ill-will toward a retarded kid that hits you with a baseball he was playing with. You can’t get mad at him, because he’s retarded. The same holds for our company. I could go into a lengthy diatrabe about corporate stupidity. Let me just say, I have never understood the figure of speech “right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing”, more clearly than I have in the years I’ve been working at this company. For those about to be canned, we salute you!

Who wants to party with Mel? We do!!

 

 

 Well well Mel. Seems over the weekend Mel Gibson fell off his high and mighty (which he is) horse by getting piss drunk, driving under the influence, getting arrested, flinging some racial slurs, making homo-erotic statements, and finally realizing “oh crap I’m doing this in public”, sounds like a killer party. 

     But we here at the IRQ are of the opinion to leave Mel alone. I mean it’s freakin’ Mel Gibson. If I was at a bar and Mel came strolling in wanting to party we are all over that. If he said “Let’s do some lines off a hooker then go driving in my expensive car” sign us up. That night he made Mad Max look like Mr. Rogers and it was spectacular. What kind of celebrity has the teabag to call female cops “sugar tits”..Mel that’s who and that’s just awesome.

     He’s Mel Gibson, son of a drunken Irish/Scottish, anti-semite, and born in New York, it’s in his genetics. He should be allowed to go crazy once in a while. We can only wonder if he did some of his nutball jokes like he did in Lethal Weapon 1-4, or if he might have said “They may take our lands but they’ll never take our beers!”. We can only hope. So he seemed to go a tad crazy since making his Jesus movie, so what, but hey he’s no Tom Cruise. Mel Gibson is the only celebrity that could say “I’m going to f*** you” like he said to that cop and we’ll just turn around to our friends and say “Dude Riggs just said he wanted to f*** me…awesome!!!”. Only Mel could say that he owns Malibu (because he does) and that he was going to f*** that deputy. Whatever the Mel wants, he gets. To the deputy I would quit and go be a tranny hooker in Thailand since Mel DOES have the power to destroy you. Do NOT oppose the Mel, the man works for God and has recruited quite the army the last couple of years. To quote his appearance on the Simpsons “All that oppose..say die!”

    Mel then quickly turned around on the weekend and apologized..and we cried and thanked God for Mel. All these sites that are calling this incident a “rampage” obviously never heard of the attack of Lohan and Hilton. But we’ll look back at this and laugh one day won’t we Mel? He’s just waiting until his newest movie comes out and everyone flocks to it again and Mel will just fill up his other pool with dollars and go for a swim a la Scrooge McDuck another fellow drunk Scot that really doesn’t care what you think because they have more money than all of Jew-dom.

     So for now we just have to giggle and sigh and just say “Ahh that Mel…we love him” because everyone does love him…everyone.

-Portzer #5

PS. Mel if you really want to party come visit us ..we’re close to Mexico. They love you too and they could really use the publicity. But they might mispronounce your name. But you could use your powers to rule over them with an Iron Fist. Then it would really be time to party.

The Buy Will Ferrell Pants Fund

I like Will Ferrell, I think he is funny but… for the love of Pete, keep the pants on. I don’t need to see him in thongs, speedos or in anymore of that Conan O’Brien leprechaun debauchery. His naughty bits packed into the smallest area possible is not my idea of comedy.

So now I call to you people.  To join me in curbing this lewd behavior.  Will Ferrel’s scrunched package in dirty chonies is not funny!

Lets all raise money so children, grandmothers and men around the world do not see such tainted visions again.  His crotch will haunt your dreams.

Here is what I propose….

  1. Raise awareness through our banner campaign
  2. Raise money
  3. Hire engineers and fashion designers
  4. Fabricate a pair of baggy pants that cannot be removed

So please add the following banner to your page and lets get the man some pants to wear

P L E A S E   H E L P

Copy the following code to add to your site

Portzer #2…