Foreign Pastries and the War on Terrorism
Ladies and Gentlemen….
The world is now safe. My mother was not allowed to bring her empanadas on board her flight home. For the uninitiated and the un-Mexican, empanadas are pastries which have a semi-circular dough like exterior and a filling that is the consistency of pumpkin pie filling. (and yes there are a few more cultures which have empanadas).
Well my mother called the airline for advice as to whether she could board with an empanada and they denied her due to it having a filling. Wow…
If this is what America is coming to I do not like it. I love this country but for the love of Pete, no empanadas. Although there are the many terrorists that will MacGyver a pastry to bring the crew of a plane to their knees. And God help us all if they had a Smuckers Uncrustable.
But if I were a terrorist I think I could smuggle in the necessary items without much hassle. I would disguise myself as a female kindergarten teacher. The large beaded necklace could be made out of C4 and the wire to attach to the power source would be in said necklace. I would then power it with a toilet paper roll wrapped with the necklace wire and then have the energy go into a capacitor which I would get from my “earrings”. Then I would eat paste and animal crackers while reflecting on my evil genius.
Things to be banned after the release of this article…
- Large-bead necklaces (good because they are freaky anyways)
- Toilet paper rolls
- Paste (bad because I need a tasty treat… well it is already banned I guess… well maybe not in gluestick form…)