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AOL stole my soul for 2 months severance and a frisbee

I sit here, now in my 4th, and almost fifth month of unemployment wondering where the hell I went wrong.  I wake up, job search and find that the last six years of my life were wasted on taking a road to nowhere with a hobo named Jarvis that would open my eyes to new levels of craptacularism.  Jarvis being AOL that is…

You see, Jarvis taught me how to be cynical and conniving.  It told me to take a hammer to Jiminy Crickets head if he dared chirp at me.  For where I was there was no need for hope.  All I needed were the brains of a chimp and the ability to accept what I was doing wouldn’t help the customer.  For five years I thought, “Hey they can’t be that dumb.” or ,”They’ll listen this time.”

So here I am before you, at home, in my chonies and looking to gain my humanity back.  Never again will I let a corporation take away pieces of me… well not unless they pay much better and give me some skills and experience I can take somewhere else…  Ugh, if I do that then I’ll have to say how much I’ve wasted trying to be successful in the eyes of those around me.  But at least I’ll be doing it from a leather chair in silk boxers.

 Portzer #2

Looking for a better life

::sniff:: ::sniff:: and crap like that…


Nancy Grace upstaged by Dutch reporter named Vries

In an amazing twist of events on the drab, overplayed, and severely unnecessary Holloway coverage – a Dutch reporter pulls off the Super Bowl of stories, and makes Nancy Grace look like the peewee football league in comparison. The reporter set up some kind of sting operation on Van Der Sloot, involving cameras, fake friends, disgusting Dutch food, and a lot of patience. More than a week ago he was telling us that he had new information and would show it to us this Sunday, and he sure delivered.

His evidence and reporting in the case push Nancy grace squarely into irrelevancy on the topic. With Nancy’s appearance today touting Vries’s weeks old information as “breaking news – Holloway dumped at sea”, it’s clear that she exists off of the table scraps of real reporters. Meanwhile, no one knows if the admission on Vries’s tape was true or if it was a fabrication. Mr. Van Der Sloot has lied before, and he could be lying again. Or he could be lying about lying. Or he could be lying about lying about lying. The point is, without a body it’s still not proof of the crime. Though it does leave the guy in the hot seat.

But think about this for a moment – what if the admission was a distraction? What if he really hacked her up psycho style and buried the body, and this whole “she overdosed so I freaked out and dumped her in the ocean” scenario is just a seed planted to divert from the real murder? Who knows? Nancy however does not feel the need to think outside the box on this. Though she may just be happy to have something to report on, after so many agonizing months of repeating the same information.

In her frenzy to jump on last months news bandwagon, she’s overlooking the possibility of Van Der Sloot planting a less incriminating story. Cheers Nancy. Maybe there are some soccer moms out there that think you’ve got the scoop. But we know better.


Well it’s black Tuesday all over again.

And it’s no surprise. Someone leaked that layoffs would be happening (today) weeks ago. AOL must be scratching their heads going “Who told?” Well we don’t know either. But we find it quite amusing.

Anyway, it should be called Happy Tuesday. Because people will just begin to see how much more life has to offer than a thankless, unrewarding job. A job that is one level above fast food, yet promised so much more.

To other “techs” in pseudo “technical” positions around the country. Think about this: If you have a hard time describing your job on a resume, that’s because your job is a joke. Real positions are well defined and easy to explain. If you have to think (like I did) and start listing out things you do instead of giving the name of a profession; your resume will not benefit from this job. Get out now.

Here’s what you can do:  Go to school.

No matter how much it costs, or how much effort it takes.  If you can afford it do it.  At least get concrete certifications if you can’t make it to college. Though certifications are only as good as how up to date they are. Degrees are forever, keep that in mind. Getting an education is about the only reliable way to prevent yourself from being used as cheap labor. There are an unlimited amount of people out there that can fill a tech job. There aren’t an unlimited amount of them with degrees.

Anyway, I wish all those that were laid off well. I really do. Hopefully all will find more rewarding prospects in the future. It’s been real.

– Irqportzter #3

An evil has awakened in this land, and whilst my people fought for their very souls, you, AOL, LLC waged war against us!!!


As seen from a warehouse in Dulles, VA, it looks like AOL is getting their shit packed in, literally. Massive layoffs are imminent, my friends, and we can only hope they come swiftly. Someone will say that AOL will relocate to advertiser-friendly New York next spring. Someone will say what is lost can never be saved, I hope in this case, they’re correct.

These past few years have been excruciating and horrible. FST which was once a mecca of AOL tech knowledge, is now just a dumping ground for unwanted calls and pseudo-busy work to keep the funding coming. The management knows we have been trapped in a servitude of grim proportions, yet they fail to acknolwedge it. They pretend, “all is fine and dandy in this nest of love” though they too, are merely prisoners in this dead end job.

Our superior boss lives and works in VA, the stooge isn’t even on site. Though his shelter from perceived uselessness will soon itself become a ghost town.

I can’t believe that our developers know as much about this product as we do. The moment I knew AOL was doomed was when we asked the ACS developers how to fix ACS. They replied with “well, I could take countless hours and go through the code and scripts and eventually work out the bugs and have it working 100%, but thats what FST is for”, (semi-verbatim wording) That’s downright pathetic. In other words, developers lack sentience.

I only take solace in the fact that a real company, which had something to sell and wasn’t just in the right place at the right time – like AOL (but I digress) – a real company will simply laugh at their incompetence and send them packing to work at Burger King. That’s where that level of failure belongs.

Many senior techs are useless and unwilling to admit it. Especially the ones that have left and moved on to other positions, where their uselessness is hidden. When you asked them for their knowledge, they often answered with something off topic, if they don’t know the answer (which was often).


Me: “How do I manually uninstall Mcafee anti-virus (version whatever before we gave up on it)?”

Senior Tech: “Ummm, Have you tried add/remove programs?”

Me: “Umm, yeah how about answering the question I asked.”

Our team meetings have become a joke, we don’t even talk about technical issues and recent “data collection”. Instead, we play games like “tech trivia” and musical chairs. Very useful. When we did talk about technical issues, it was dominated by a few loud mouths who knew as much about teching as the people who used to work at the other callcenter.

I say “other” callcenter, because that’s all we are too, a callcenter. I may as well be selling Avon, because that’s about as useful as what will be on my resume from working here. It’s a useless, unrewarding place where you feel less and less human by the day. Since we’re going to close down soon anyways, why take calls anymore?. The data is irrelevant, counter-productive.

Heck, there’s only like 6-8 of us on the phones as it is, why don’t we just take some extra time off the phones and work on our resumes? I have found some useful info on Let’s help one another escape this hell. Why wait til the ship sinks only to scramble and look for other work? Let’s be prepared ahead of time.

I wish the bell would toll soon for us, there is nothing here for me, I need the end to set me free.