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Street Fighter IV, and the new generation of wimpy gamers

Ever since a kid I’ve enjoyed the street fighter series, starting with Street fighter I.  I later moved onto Street fighter II and found it to be somewhat easier to beat, but much more fun vs human opponents.  After that I took a hiatus until the late 90s when all those “alpha” streetfighters showed up.  I’ve always enjoyed them, and always have been good at them.  Don’t get me wrong, the game can be frustrating, but as far as games in the big picture go, it’s not the hardest thing out there.

So I was surprised to read many blogs and reviews about Street Fighter IV, saying it was “too hard to beat”, even on “Easy setting.”  Hmm, I thought.  I eventually got around to getting the game mid March.  I played it, and after about an hour was fully warmed up.  I played through the entire game on “medium-hard” (second hardest), completely devastating the characters except for Blanka, he was the only guy who gave me trouble.  After about 5 tries with him I overcame him.  I play Ryu by the way.

All the characters after Blanka were a complete slaughter fest.  Even the last boss fell during my first try, beating him 2 out of 3 rounds.   He was cheap, sure.  But I would expect that from a last boss..  Anyway, I thought back to the blogs.  All the whining about the game made me laugh, “The game is too hard, all the computer does is use super moves.”   This game was very easy to beat, while using trivial attacks.  Here’s a tip:  super moves are a distraction for shallow gamers whose job it is to make real gamers look good.  It has always been more effective to use regular punches and kicks to down an opponent than to rely on graphical ooh and ahh effects.  I didn’t even use the super deluxe thing that builds up energy, not even once.  I didn’t know how, because at that time I beat it I hadn’t even read the manual yet.

I won’t tell you my secrets, but they involve a lot of punching and kicking.  “The game is too hard.”  We’ve got a new generation of gamers out there, and they suck.  Here’s a challenge, try Street Fighter I on an emulator, if you dare.  I have played it, it has to be the most inconsistent game ever.  Sometimes your hits land, sometimes they don’t.  There doesn’t appear to be any rhyme or reason to it.  Sometimes I will play the emulator through to the end in 10 minutes, other times I will flail hopelessly against the first two opponents until I give up.  Looking back I know why I dumped so many quarters into that game back in the day.  It was very unpredictable, and very unforgiving.  Don’t get me wrong, when I won it it was a well deserved win.  You could never let your guard down in that game.  If you can get over the primitive graphics, you will realize that you have got it easy with SF IV.

Portzer #3

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Tia Tequila – who?

I hadn’t heard the name until seeing the “A Shot at love” reality show on some low rent TV channel when my cable went out.  I was surprised that they had a show with so many people vying for the affections of this girl.. A girl who looks like most any you’d find at your local strip club.  “What’s the catch?”,  I thought.  Oh, she’s bisexual.  That’s cool..  Hmm, this would be super controversial if it were, I dunno, 1999?  Not even the “touchy” subject of yesteryear seemed enough to justify this show.  I didn’t get it.

Out of morbid curiosity, I watched the whole episode.  16 Lesbians who looked like men, and 16 men, were competing to give her attention.  I don’t know a nice way to say this, but I think they could do much better.  Her tattoos made her look 10 years older than she is.  I was shocked to find out she was 26, I thought for sure she was pushing early/mid 30s.  Her personality is, average.  Just your typical, “I grew up in the suburbs but I’m embellishing the hood”, girl.

Anyhow, the season ends, she gets her guy (I seriously didn’t think any of the “women” had a chance.  They all looked like men – why settle for a woman who looks like a man when you can have, I dunno, a man?).  So besides that shocking discovery that she picked a dude over a dudely chick, my mind swept this out of relevance and I began thinking of more important things, such as whether to buy Bumblebee tuna or Starkist.  (Starkist won btw).

Just this last month I saw the show on again, “reruns” I think to myself.  But no, um, she’s back.. Wait, what?  Why?  The show was supposed to give her “A shot at love” and it did.  Next contestant.  But no, her 15 minutes of fame were apparently not enough.  What about the other girls that want a shot at love?  I honestly don’t care if she can or can’t find love at this point, she was given a perfectly good opportunity and either screwed it up or quit it for another shot at fame.  Yeah, we get it, you’re edgy.  You like girls and guys but will probably pick a guy again this time.  Kissing other girls for attention at bars became popular in the late 1990s, maybe it’s played out.

Sooner or later your biological clock will be ticking and you really will have to choose between a man and a life with women who look like Tom Jones. Don’t waste the chances you are given, sweet pea.

Portzer #3

Mary J. Blige, and why you should not get plastic surgery

I remember listening to Mary J. Blige when I was in highschool, and thinking she was hot on her music videos. This would still be the case, some 12 years later. However, for some reason, MJB has apparently undergone some plastic surgery (like many women in the public eye do) and wasted what I felt were good looks.

Older women can be beautiful. I can think of several examples, like say Vanessa Williams. That woman could be 50 and I would still find her hot. The reason? She ages gracefully, and it looks natural.  My advice is to stop while you still can.  Plastic surgery eventually leads to looking like Michael Jackson, he is living proof why it is bad.  If anyone gets enough of it, they will look like he does, as well.

Plastic surgery kills, good looks.
portzer #3