Archive | Batman Kisses Robin RSS for this section

For want of a satellite photo, the battle was lost…

At IRQportz, we rarely get into politics.  Because we realize that opinions are like a long lost Uncle with septum shattering halitosis; everyone has one, and they stink.  Among the few of us there are possibly a variety of different political configurations.  Indeed, even pizza toppings are a controversial subject around here.  But, I daresay, we stand united on this day.  On this day we found that a certain politician in California, wants to “blur” Google earth (and by extension, Google maps).  Heresy!  Why take away such a cool and useful tool based on the unfounded fears of technical ludites?

CNN has so graciously informed us of this information (http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/03/11/google.earth.censor.california/), passed on from CNET.  So I am doing my solemn duty, to be another in the long chain of information passing.  As CNN’s article exposes, A California lawmaker (in a likely bid to make a name for himself) has suggested the following:

“An operator of a commercial Internet Web site or online service that makes a virtual globe browser available to members of the public shall not provide aerial or satellite photographs or imagery of a building or facility in this state that is identified on the Internet Web site by the operator as a school or place of worship, or a government or medical building or facility, unless those photographs or images have been blurred.”

To quote CNN, “Anderson … is asking only what India and some other foreign governments are demanding for their citizens.”

Because we really are just waiting in line behind India to see what great and innovative things they do next.  I see they have recently sent a space probe to the moon; however, the 1950s called and they want their science project back.  Perhaps they were actually aiming for Jupiter’s moon, Europa?  I don’t know. I realize that India is a very large nation with great ambitions.  And God bless them, they’ve been humble toward the rest of the world.  Despite this, I don’t think that they are a beacon of all that is current and modern.  Perhaps with enough call centers, they will eclipse us all someday. Perhaps.

A secondary argument of Anderson’s was presented thusly:

“I’m all for online mapping, but knowing where the air ducts are in an air shaft is not necessary for me to navigate in the city. Who wants to know that level of detail? Bad people do.”

First of all, what kind of person says they are “all for online mapping”, and then writes a bill designed to blur it?  This I find to be puzzling.  Moving on, he mentions that Google Earth shows us where the air shafts are.  You know, I hadn’t really thought about it lately.  But I’m pretty sure I knew that there were air shafts on top of buildings when Google Earth was a twinkle in a software engineer’s eye (as he oggled scantily clad Japanese female warriors sprinting across the battlefield only to pleasure each other mid air; in those dirty, dirty cartoons).  Ahem.  What was I saying?  Ah yes, his argument supposes that we a) Did not know that buildings had air shafts until Google Earth showed us.  And b) That we did not know that airshafts generally ended at the tops of buildings, until Google Earth revealed this as well.

I don’t know about you, but I thought they dug a hole that went from the basement of the building and down through to the other side of the planet, in order to vent exhaust and take in fresh air.

Moving on, the lawmaker has some witty comebacks for his critics (or so he thinks).  From the article: “I hear the argument that, “Yeah, I want to also ban cars because cars are used in robberies.” Look, cars have other commercial uses. There are no other uses for knowing on a map where there are air shafts. These are all red herring arguments.”

First of all, the argument that cars are used in robberies, and are thus somehow responsible for them is simply an excellent analogy for his entire presentation.  I laughed when I read it, and his bringing it up only made things worse.  Ok, so of course cars have other uses.  And yet you say there are no other uses for Google Earth?  Sir, have you not ever wondered if your neighbors down the street had a swimming pool?  Have you not wanted to stare at your own roof from hundreds of miles in the sky?  Have you never wanted to simply enjoy the majestic beauty that is our civilization while you are planning a simple road trip to the side of town where all the good clubs are at?

I can’t help but mention, this guy called the car argument a “red herring”, which is incorrect. A “red Herring” is a distraction argument, it’s akin to changing the subject. If I had said “I think this guy is wrong because the other day I saw a profesional boxer wearing a tank top and strawberry shortcake apron, spoon feeding an elderly man Vienna sausages while he listened to you complain about Google Earth on his IPod…” then that would be a “red herring.”

As it turns out Google Earth is not “real time.”  The pictures it takes are bought and borrowed from various corporations and agencies that own satellites.  The picture over your house could be 10 days old, and that picture over the other side of town could be back dated from when they made music worth listening to.  I can’t imagine being paranoid of technology.  Even if there were a chance they would catch a photographic glimpse of Home Depot employees having greased plunger fights on my roof, I would still not blame the high-tech.

The above is strictly opinion and hyperbole, from portzer #3.

Advertisements

Well it’s black Tuesday all over again.

And it’s no surprise. Someone leaked that layoffs would be happening (today) weeks ago. AOL must be scratching their heads going “Who told?” Well we don’t know either. But we find it quite amusing.

Anyway, it should be called Happy Tuesday. Because people will just begin to see how much more life has to offer than a thankless, unrewarding job. A job that is one level above fast food, yet promised so much more.

To other “techs” in pseudo “technical” positions around the country. Think about this: If you have a hard time describing your job on a resume, that’s because your job is a joke. Real positions are well defined and easy to explain. If you have to think (like I did) and start listing out things you do instead of giving the name of a profession; your resume will not benefit from this job. Get out now.

Here’s what you can do:  Go to school.

No matter how much it costs, or how much effort it takes.  If you can afford it do it.  At least get concrete certifications if you can’t make it to college. Though certifications are only as good as how up to date they are. Degrees are forever, keep that in mind. Getting an education is about the only reliable way to prevent yourself from being used as cheap labor. There are an unlimited amount of people out there that can fill a tech job. There aren’t an unlimited amount of them with degrees.

Anyway, I wish all those that were laid off well. I really do. Hopefully all will find more rewarding prospects in the future. It’s been real.

– Irqportzter #3

A most unexpected party…

It’s Portzer #1 here, just stopping by to share my wealth of knowledge from a most recent experience. You see, It just so happens that I got a mystery gift card for my 31st birthday. On this card was written, “the holder of this card is hereby entitled to join us as a magical guest of honor at our new location”. All it contained was an address, no phone number, no venue name, and nothing more, very secretive. Was this some kind of joke?

I used google maps in an attempt to get a better idea of where this place was located, but that section of town seemed to be unclear on the maps, even though it existed. I proceeded to take a bus down there, since my car was tainted from a vagrant who broke in and spent the night. My car smelt of solidified milk that had expired 6 months back. Apparently, I had left a few of my favorite “Cream Pie Honeys” magazines in the back seat, which I’m sure the vagrant immensely loved, so much, in fact that he made a mess all over the dashboard and steering wheel. I hope the smell goes away eventually.

Ok, back to our story. So, I took the bus to this shadowy part of town, which ended at the ‘end of the line’ stop. I was the only one who got off. Let me try to describe to you what this part of town looked like. Imagine Star Jones and Rosie O’ Donnell wrestling over the last Milky Way Lite candy bar on the planet and at the same time imagine two gay sumo wrestlers fighting over a nude snapshot of Yokozuna. This area of town was in shambles!
I began to walk down the street, avoiding the fecal stained sidewalks and dried vomit encrusted buildings. Looks like someone had a gagfest at both ends. From the 4th floor of a particular extra dark brown building, a hand waved out to me with a yellow handkerchief. I called out, “Umm, hello…there?” I waved my gift card in the air for them to see. The hand retracted from the window and after a few moments of unnerving silence, a door on the side opened slowly with a shrill noise. A unique voice beckoned me, “right this way dear”. It sounded like a mix between Michael Jackson and a castrated Bobcat Goldthwait. (try to imagine that). As soon as I stepped in, I gagged as hard as the time when Fergus found out that Dil had a peepi instead….The smell was overpowering, like bleach mixed with moldy cheese and grape juice vomit. I tried to take another step forward, but then blacked out. I’m not sure how long I was out for, but I had the most intense (and unwelcome dreams ever) Countless females would approach me, then slowly undress and to my horror, were men instead. They would pet me like a purring kitty, running their hands down my crotch in wave like motions, and all I could do was watch. It was like this helplessness overcame me, and I could not combat it. I eventually awoke in some kind of back alley way, littered with glitter and pink ribbons, with a bad taste of expired squid in my mouth. I felt a presence, and turned around; 4 men wearing mops on their heads and smeared crimson lipstick were staring at me. One of them spoke to me, “well little one, that was quite a party we had”. I tried to respond but then the pale one quickly cut in, “it’s ok, you don’t owe us anything” He smiled deeply afterwards, and I noticed a bit of dried crust in the corner of his lip. I became severely horrified and ran as fast as I could from that place…..