I sit here, now in my 4th, and almost fifth month of unemployment wondering where the hell I went wrong. I wake up, job search and find that the last six years of my life were wasted on taking a road to nowhere with a hobo named Jarvis that would open my eyes to new levels of craptacularism. Jarvis being AOL that is…
You see, Jarvis taught me how to be cynical and conniving. It told me to take a hammer to Jiminy Crickets head if he dared chirp at me. For where I was there was no need for hope. All I needed were the brains of a chimp and the ability to accept what I was doing wouldn’t help the customer. For five years I thought, “Hey they can’t be that dumb.” or ,”They’ll listen this time.”
So here I am before you, at home, in my chonies and looking to gain my humanity back. Never again will I let a corporation take away pieces of me… well not unless they pay much better and give me some skills and experience I can take somewhere else… Ugh, if I do that then I’ll have to say how much I’ve wasted trying to be successful in the eyes of those around me. But at least I’ll be doing it from a leather chair in silk boxers.
Looking for a better life
::sniff:: ::sniff:: and crap like that…
missle song eat fish
WTF!? WTF are you on man…
As you probably have sadly learned they turned Clark Kent into teh ghey…
roseanne barr nude
degenerate… damn dirty degenerate…
peeing in public pools
Be carefull of not doing this in some pools due to the special dye they put in it to detect when one has evacuated their bladder off all urine. You could probably get away with this act in most public pools and some school ones but you never know. It is like Russian roulette. Fire off a round if you dare. But if you are found out say you are quite hygenic and the red stuff is really from that chewable dye tablet that detects plaque on your teeth.
INTRODUCTION TO IRQ
I’m portzer #2 and… nm you probably wanted to know about real irq’s. Well I find them boring so I won’t bother. But the last time I seriously had to configure an IRQ was when I played Sam and Max hit the Road in DOS.
I want a deeper voice
Well I have thought about this since there have been many searches on this issue being directed to our site. Either hit puberty or… Here’s my theory. A man’s voice becomes higher when he is kicked in the crotch. What if it was well… taken care of? I say try pawing it like a little kitten and see if that helps. Then we will all laugh at you because you played with yourself and we tricked you into doing so.
I’m out foo’s
So it appears another terrorist plot was averted. Airports have been slowed to a crawl due to the most recent threat. The plot was believed to be near execution and was believed to target flights headed towards New York, Washington, and California.
The suspects were planning to make a bomb out of liquids and gels in harmless appearing containers. All liquids, gels and some portable media devices are being banned from boarding the planes. This leaves thousands of Londoners without their rave music, glowsticks and X. Not to mention little Bobby’s cheese whiz. No huffing for you. Only essential medications and baby food are being allowed on board.
Can’t anyone see!! It’s the babies damn it, they are the terrorist. Who knows what kind of backwash they hid in their mother’s bossoms (a backup plan if their food was not let aboard). Not to mention the diapers (AKA dirty bombs).
I know this is possible. I’ve seen Baby Geniuses 1 & 2. I have watched it over and over, studying their ways and analyzing their behaviors.
Beware the MacGyver babies… BEWARE!!
Soon I see us all flying around in planes more barren than NASA’s KC-135 while in the nude. How do you vision the big lady sitting next to you now…?
…that would be a big ol’ saggy booby on yo leg
I like Will Ferrell, I think he is funny but… for the love of Pete, keep the pants on. I don’t need to see him in thongs, speedos or in anymore of that Conan O’Brien leprechaun debauchery. His naughty bits packed into the smallest area possible is not my idea of comedy.
So now I call to you people. To join me in curbing this lewd behavior. Will Ferrel’s scrunched package in dirty chonies is not funny!
Lets all raise money so children, grandmothers and men around the world do not see such tainted visions again. His crotch will haunt your dreams.
Here is what I propose….
- Raise awareness through our banner campaign
- Raise money
- Hire engineers and fashion designers
- Fabricate a pair of baggy pants that cannot be removed
So please add the following banner to your page and lets get the man some pants to wear
Copy the following code to add to your site
(Check this out, I’m going to do this with a little entertainment news style infused into the article. That means a mention of age and too many credits to be in one paragraph)
Haley Joel Osment of Jeff Foxworthy fame was in an accident recently. The “Bogus” (who he starred with Whoopie Goldberg in) actor was found hurt and had apparently tried to crawl out of the back of his 1995 Saturn station wagon…
That’s right a 95′ saturn station wagon… What the heck is this guy making when he does his Kingdom Hearts voice-overs, Walker Texas Ranger disturbing sauna stuff, Sesame Street, Second Hand Lions stuff? Maybe the wholesome looking Osment is throwing down the Benjamins for Candy LaYummy at the local interpretive pole dance bar (cause its uptown and what not). Not to mention supporting a $5,000 a day crack habit.
WTH!!!??? A 95′ Saturn Station Wagon?
Poor poor bastard…