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Been a while…

Now this sucks… we  haven’t posted in the longest of times.  The celebrities of the world are imploding on their dingleness.  Why do these people get worshipped?  After all they are just people.  They have all made lucky breaks and were just like you and I at one time. 

Heaven knows that Portzer #1 could be on some fetish site making a cool 2 mil a year in his parents basement web casting his fetish stuff dealing with poo, water slides and Richard Grieco posters.  But that is all based on luck.  We all possess wonderful abilities such as these to entertain the world. 

I will sexy dance like Richard Simmons to Yanni music if it means I will be able to enjoy a life of expensive cars and fine cheeses.  And that is probably the amount of intelligence I would have to display in order to be the next fixation of the general public. 

Sadly America wants to know what the likes of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and (insert combined names here. e.g. Bennifer, TomKat, etc.) are doing. 

In order for us to focus on things that matter I guess Nelson Mandela would have to get a rippin’ six pack and wear a speedo.  Stephen Hawking would have to go on a drinking binge, ram a bus stop and call the good samaritan picking him up sizzle chest.  Although it might be interesting.

It seems the majority of America is more apt to believe what is told to us than what we discover for ourselves.  So we can probably stop the whole retarded celebrity thing if we ignore it.  But hey, I’m talking about that stuff now anywho.  But I’m doing it more to make fun of the hoopla around it than to consume that shizzle like Pete Doherty with a syringe of heroin (celeb reference… drat…).

But I guess I’m getting all caught up in what matters rather than taking the time to smell the Rosie O’s big toxic talk show vaginga (va-jing-ga).

I almost made sense…  I think…

Portzer #2

Diamond in the rough

Dustin Diamond exuding his martial arts prowess

Well it turns out the dork of 'Saved by the Bell' fame is on hard times.  He needs $250,000 to save his home from foreclosure.  I read in his imdb.com biographical information that he was a black belt in karate.  He also defeated Ron Palillo in a 'Celebrity Boxing' match.  So why does Mr. Diamond not use his karate ways to do the following:

  1. Open a dojo
  2. Karate chop old ladies for their money and cat food
  3. Roundhouse the old ladies' cats in the head and sell their pelts in the black market fur trade
  4. Switch to Ramen noodles (call centers going out of business do)
  5. Fashion clothing out of pototato bags, go live in the wilderness, eat bugs and preach the evils of lending companies
  6. Unleash karate justice upon GIRALDO
  7. Sell shirts on http://www.getdshirts.com/

Ok you don't need karate for all of it but it sure helps you to pursuade people.   Fight on Dustin!

COBRA KAI!!

portzer #2