I sit here, now in my 4th, and almost fifth month of unemployment wondering where the hell I went wrong. I wake up, job search and find that the last six years of my life were wasted on taking a road to nowhere with a hobo named Jarvis that would open my eyes to new levels of craptacularism. Jarvis being AOL that is…
You see, Jarvis taught me how to be cynical and conniving. It told me to take a hammer to Jiminy Crickets head if he dared chirp at me. For where I was there was no need for hope. All I needed were the brains of a chimp and the ability to accept what I was doing wouldn’t help the customer. For five years I thought, “Hey they can’t be that dumb.” or ,”They’ll listen this time.”
So here I am before you, at home, in my chonies and looking to gain my humanity back. Never again will I let a corporation take away pieces of me… well not unless they pay much better and give me some skills and experience I can take somewhere else… Ugh, if I do that then I’ll have to say how much I’ve wasted trying to be successful in the eyes of those around me. But at least I’ll be doing it from a leather chair in silk boxers.
Looking for a better life
::sniff:: ::sniff:: and crap like that…
So In recent news Lance Bass revealed that he’s gay. So how is that news? From the first time this portzer (#5) saw these guys he called it by telling his friends when *NSYNC premiered “Dude hes totally ghey”. Now he’s coming out and revealing everything in a tell all article. I guess he decided to follow in JT’s footsteps about his private life showing he isn’t so squeaky clean after all (He who squeaks the loudest gets the lube). We are all anxiously waiting for the quotes about why Bass decided to come out now to be similar to.. “I figured since Justin was exposing his private life about his doing drugs and stuff..and I guess I want to do the same, but instead of doing drugs..it’s guys.” Brings new meaning to “PUFF PUFF PASS to the left. Then he’ll flash his quirky I-could-be-a-child-molester-but-I’m-a-pop-star smile and we’ll feel sorry as a society for oppressing him and not being able to flaunt his sexuality to all those 10-12 year olds. Way to make me feel bad Lance! According to him he felt that telling anyone would “overpower” everything. Overpower the most powerful boy band this planet has seen? Riiiiggghhhhhttt. Well if they ever go on tour they will have a bigger fanbase than before. One would have to wonder how it made a gay man feel to have to sing songs about “Be my girlfriend baby”, “Baby, would you be my baby, Baby?”, and “Girl, I want to do you as my girlfriend, baby, all night girl, baby” when he really wanted to sing songs like “I want you in my back”, “Tie me up, punch me and tell me you love me”, and “Young and tender tubesteak”. Well good for you Lance in taking some time to think about how to come out. “I wanted to think about it because I knew I had 4 guys.. in my hands”..he was talking about their careers. Well if you ever decide to change teams you have the millions of barely legal girls that still think you’re a hunk and we like you too. But not in that way. Hey maybe the other guys from *NSYNC can be gay too..it would definately help their careers..joe fat one , that one guy chris (who we think is gay also) and JC Shazam. Does this new found sexuality mean that you’re not going to try to work your way back into the black void…er..of space? Well We here at the IRQ wish you the bestest of the gay. Peace out homo..er..homie.-Portzer #5