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This is all Portzer #2’s fault

Indeed, the pain you are about to experience is the work of none other than portzer #2. In an email sent to me on April 4th, 2007, he directs my attention to new content for the blog.  And what he showed me was this monstrosity.  I cannot deny him his foul content wishes, because it would hamper creativity.  Censorship is a slippery slope.  Thus, behold, from the bowels of hades and portzer #2’s own imagination:

Nake fat guy dancing

 

fatty.gif

 

 

 

 

 

 

Been a while…

Now this sucks… we  haven’t posted in the longest of times.  The celebrities of the world are imploding on their dingleness.  Why do these people get worshipped?  After all they are just people.  They have all made lucky breaks and were just like you and I at one time. 

Heaven knows that Portzer #1 could be on some fetish site making a cool 2 mil a year in his parents basement web casting his fetish stuff dealing with poo, water slides and Richard Grieco posters.  But that is all based on luck.  We all possess wonderful abilities such as these to entertain the world. 

I will sexy dance like Richard Simmons to Yanni music if it means I will be able to enjoy a life of expensive cars and fine cheeses.  And that is probably the amount of intelligence I would have to display in order to be the next fixation of the general public. 

Sadly America wants to know what the likes of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and (insert combined names here. e.g. Bennifer, TomKat, etc.) are doing. 

In order for us to focus on things that matter I guess Nelson Mandela would have to get a rippin’ six pack and wear a speedo.  Stephen Hawking would have to go on a drinking binge, ram a bus stop and call the good samaritan picking him up sizzle chest.  Although it might be interesting.

It seems the majority of America is more apt to believe what is told to us than what we discover for ourselves.  So we can probably stop the whole retarded celebrity thing if we ignore it.  But hey, I’m talking about that stuff now anywho.  But I’m doing it more to make fun of the hoopla around it than to consume that shizzle like Pete Doherty with a syringe of heroin (celeb reference… drat…).

But I guess I’m getting all caught up in what matters rather than taking the time to smell the Rosie O’s big toxic talk show vaginga (va-jing-ga).

I almost made sense…  I think…

Portzer #2

Trailer Park Ecstasy Lost: The Tale of Britney Spears

Spears was recently seen on The Today show blubbering about the paparazzi not leaving her alone. I don't think I've ever seen someone crying and chewing gum at the same time.   I'm sure I can make a cow do the same if I poke it in the eye while it is chewing cud.  Poor dumb animals.

I've heard people say poor Britney her mom did it to her or the paparazzi did it.  Well do you notice who the paparazzi gravitates to?  The more 'Ho' factor, the more uncouth, the more they are hounded.  If I were Britney I would wear a moo moo, put curlers in my hair and carry a coin purse.  Nothing is more repugnant yet backwoods wholesome than that.

And to those who say she should dump Federline.  I say NAY!  Look, she could drop him but would that be best?  She says he is a simple man. That is a perfect match for a simple woman.  Both are disconnected from reality and eat paste.  Nothing says love more than that.

That is my post and I'm sticking to it!

-portzer #2