Archive | Mad Max v Mr. Rogers RSS for this section

Street Fighter IV, and the new generation of wimpy gamers

Ever since a kid I’ve enjoyed the street fighter series, starting with Street fighter I.  I later moved onto Street fighter II and found it to be somewhat easier to beat, but much more fun vs human opponents.  After that I took a hiatus until the late 90s when all those “alpha” streetfighters showed up.  I’ve always enjoyed them, and always have been good at them.  Don’t get me wrong, the game can be frustrating, but as far as games in the big picture go, it’s not the hardest thing out there.

So I was surprised to read many blogs and reviews about Street Fighter IV, saying it was “too hard to beat”, even on “Easy setting.”  Hmm, I thought.  I eventually got around to getting the game mid March.  I played it, and after about an hour was fully warmed up.  I played through the entire game on “medium-hard” (second hardest), completely devastating the characters except for Blanka, he was the only guy who gave me trouble.  After about 5 tries with him I overcame him.  I play Ryu by the way.

All the characters after Blanka were a complete slaughter fest.  Even the last boss fell during my first try, beating him 2 out of 3 rounds.   He was cheap, sure.  But I would expect that from a last boss..  Anyway, I thought back to the blogs.  All the whining about the game made me laugh, “The game is too hard, all the computer does is use super moves.”   This game was very easy to beat, while using trivial attacks.  Here’s a tip:  super moves are a distraction for shallow gamers whose job it is to make real gamers look good.  It has always been more effective to use regular punches and kicks to down an opponent than to rely on graphical ooh and ahh effects.  I didn’t even use the super deluxe thing that builds up energy, not even once.  I didn’t know how, because at that time I beat it I hadn’t even read the manual yet.

I won’t tell you my secrets, but they involve a lot of punching and kicking.  “The game is too hard.”  We’ve got a new generation of gamers out there, and they suck.  Here’s a challenge, try Street Fighter I on an emulator, if you dare.  I have played it, it has to be the most inconsistent game ever.  Sometimes your hits land, sometimes they don’t.  There doesn’t appear to be any rhyme or reason to it.  Sometimes I will play the emulator through to the end in 10 minutes, other times I will flail hopelessly against the first two opponents until I give up.  Looking back I know why I dumped so many quarters into that game back in the day.  It was very unpredictable, and very unforgiving.  Don’t get me wrong, when I won it it was a well deserved win.  You could never let your guard down in that game.  If you can get over the primitive graphics, you will realize that you have got it easy with SF IV.

Portzer #3

Who wants to party with Mel? We do!!

 

 

 Well well Mel. Seems over the weekend Mel Gibson fell off his high and mighty (which he is) horse by getting piss drunk, driving under the influence, getting arrested, flinging some racial slurs, making homo-erotic statements, and finally realizing “oh crap I’m doing this in public”, sounds like a killer party. 

     But we here at the IRQ are of the opinion to leave Mel alone. I mean it’s freakin’ Mel Gibson. If I was at a bar and Mel came strolling in wanting to party we are all over that. If he said “Let’s do some lines off a hooker then go driving in my expensive car” sign us up. That night he made Mad Max look like Mr. Rogers and it was spectacular. What kind of celebrity has the teabag to call female cops “sugar tits”..Mel that’s who and that’s just awesome.

     He’s Mel Gibson, son of a drunken Irish/Scottish, anti-semite, and born in New York, it’s in his genetics. He should be allowed to go crazy once in a while. We can only wonder if he did some of his nutball jokes like he did in Lethal Weapon 1-4, or if he might have said “They may take our lands but they’ll never take our beers!”. We can only hope. So he seemed to go a tad crazy since making his Jesus movie, so what, but hey he’s no Tom Cruise. Mel Gibson is the only celebrity that could say “I’m going to f*** you” like he said to that cop and we’ll just turn around to our friends and say “Dude Riggs just said he wanted to f*** me…awesome!!!”. Only Mel could say that he owns Malibu (because he does) and that he was going to f*** that deputy. Whatever the Mel wants, he gets. To the deputy I would quit and go be a tranny hooker in Thailand since Mel DOES have the power to destroy you. Do NOT oppose the Mel, the man works for God and has recruited quite the army the last couple of years. To quote his appearance on the Simpsons “All that oppose..say die!”

    Mel then quickly turned around on the weekend and apologized..and we cried and thanked God for Mel. All these sites that are calling this incident a “rampage” obviously never heard of the attack of Lohan and Hilton. But we’ll look back at this and laugh one day won’t we Mel? He’s just waiting until his newest movie comes out and everyone flocks to it again and Mel will just fill up his other pool with dollars and go for a swim a la Scrooge McDuck another fellow drunk Scot that really doesn’t care what you think because they have more money than all of Jew-dom.

     So for now we just have to giggle and sigh and just say “Ahh that Mel…we love him” because everyone does love him…everyone.

-Portzer #5

PS. Mel if you really want to party come visit us ..we’re close to Mexico. They love you too and they could really use the publicity. But they might mispronounce your name. But you could use your powers to rule over them with an Iron Fist. Then it would really be time to party.