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We Gettin’ Canned Yo

At one time there was a great deal of speculation concerning AOL layoff rumors. That speculation is no more. It is now clear that all of the Tucson sites will be laid off in the near future (i.e. less than 6 months from now).

It’s an inevitable state of affairs if you look at AOL’s changing business model. They are changing revenue to be advertisement based and not subscription based. To accelerate that, they are giving free service to those who have high speed and do not want tech support. Clearly they are stepping away from a software platform, and embracing one that is web based. Hence no need for techs (us).

To make the possibility even more clear, they admitted to needing to layoff 5,000 people (duh), 3,000 of which will come from Europe. The other 2,000 will likely be us here in Tucson, and whatever callcenters remain (I think Abequerque). It is our belief that India will stay on to be the last techs. Why cut the cheap ones first? (thinking like an idiot bean counter).

So anyway we post here to put any speculation to rest, and plan for the future. Yes we were those guys that walked you through deleting files and reinstalling CD’s. Yes we wrote disgusting articles shortly after talking with you. We were those guys.

We hold little ill-will towards our employer. Much like you would not hold ill-will toward a retarded kid that hits you with a baseball he was playing with. You can’t get mad at him, because he’s retarded. The same holds for our company. I could go into a lengthy diatrabe about corporate stupidity. Let me just say, I have never understood the figure of speech “right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing”, more clearly than I have in the years I’ve been working at this company. For those about to be canned, we salute you!

Who wants to party with Mel? We do!!

 

 

 Well well Mel. Seems over the weekend Mel Gibson fell off his high and mighty (which he is) horse by getting piss drunk, driving under the influence, getting arrested, flinging some racial slurs, making homo-erotic statements, and finally realizing “oh crap I’m doing this in public”, sounds like a killer party. 

     But we here at the IRQ are of the opinion to leave Mel alone. I mean it’s freakin’ Mel Gibson. If I was at a bar and Mel came strolling in wanting to party we are all over that. If he said “Let’s do some lines off a hooker then go driving in my expensive car” sign us up. That night he made Mad Max look like Mr. Rogers and it was spectacular. What kind of celebrity has the teabag to call female cops “sugar tits”..Mel that’s who and that’s just awesome.

     He’s Mel Gibson, son of a drunken Irish/Scottish, anti-semite, and born in New York, it’s in his genetics. He should be allowed to go crazy once in a while. We can only wonder if he did some of his nutball jokes like he did in Lethal Weapon 1-4, or if he might have said “They may take our lands but they’ll never take our beers!”. We can only hope. So he seemed to go a tad crazy since making his Jesus movie, so what, but hey he’s no Tom Cruise. Mel Gibson is the only celebrity that could say “I’m going to f*** you” like he said to that cop and we’ll just turn around to our friends and say “Dude Riggs just said he wanted to f*** me…awesome!!!”. Only Mel could say that he owns Malibu (because he does) and that he was going to f*** that deputy. Whatever the Mel wants, he gets. To the deputy I would quit and go be a tranny hooker in Thailand since Mel DOES have the power to destroy you. Do NOT oppose the Mel, the man works for God and has recruited quite the army the last couple of years. To quote his appearance on the Simpsons “All that oppose..say die!”

    Mel then quickly turned around on the weekend and apologized..and we cried and thanked God for Mel. All these sites that are calling this incident a “rampage” obviously never heard of the attack of Lohan and Hilton. But we’ll look back at this and laugh one day won’t we Mel? He’s just waiting until his newest movie comes out and everyone flocks to it again and Mel will just fill up his other pool with dollars and go for a swim a la Scrooge McDuck another fellow drunk Scot that really doesn’t care what you think because they have more money than all of Jew-dom.

     So for now we just have to giggle and sigh and just say “Ahh that Mel…we love him” because everyone does love him…everyone.

-Portzer #5

PS. Mel if you really want to party come visit us ..we’re close to Mexico. They love you too and they could really use the publicity. But they might mispronounce your name. But you could use your powers to rule over them with an Iron Fist. Then it would really be time to party.