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AOL stole my soul for 2 months severance and a frisbee

I sit here, now in my 4th, and almost fifth month of unemployment wondering where the hell I went wrong.  I wake up, job search and find that the last six years of my life were wasted on taking a road to nowhere with a hobo named Jarvis that would open my eyes to new levels of craptacularism.  Jarvis being AOL that is…

You see, Jarvis taught me how to be cynical and conniving.  It told me to take a hammer to Jiminy Crickets head if he dared chirp at me.  For where I was there was no need for hope.  All I needed were the brains of a chimp and the ability to accept what I was doing wouldn’t help the customer.  For five years I thought, “Hey they can’t be that dumb.” or ,”They’ll listen this time.”

So here I am before you, at home, in my chonies and looking to gain my humanity back.  Never again will I let a corporation take away pieces of me… well not unless they pay much better and give me some skills and experience I can take somewhere else…  Ugh, if I do that then I’ll have to say how much I’ve wasted trying to be successful in the eyes of those around me.  But at least I’ll be doing it from a leather chair in silk boxers.

 Portzer #2

Looking for a better life

::sniff:: ::sniff:: and crap like that…

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Connie Chung and a Little Drinky Drinky

Connie Chung singing a farewall song to her viewers and her career.  Looks like Connie Chung took a note from Bobby Lee on how she should perform.  She apparently hit the rice wine a little hard.

I don't understand how that piano player can keep a straight face while she scurries around the piano like a seal then rolls off the edge while grunting.  I would have had a fish tosser from Pike Place chuck a 40 pound frozen filet at her hoping to knock her unconcious.

I don't think it will be too long till we start seeing Connie in a tube top and flip flops trying to find out who her babies daddy is (good thing Maury has that television genre cornered).  She will proceed to to stomp around stage with saggy skin flopping about her belly area and yelling explitives.  I know this because it has been told her assistants have seen her do this before show tapings.  The biggest incident being when she snorted a box of ground altoids and complained of not being F*ed up enough.

"Rike a lhinestone cowhrboy"

portzer #2