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This is all Portzer #2’s fault

Indeed, the pain you are about to experience is the work of none other than portzer #2. In an email sent to me on April 4th, 2007, he directs my attention to new content for the blog.  And what he showed me was this monstrosity.  I cannot deny him his foul content wishes, because it would hamper creativity.  Censorship is a slippery slope.  Thus, behold, from the bowels of hades and portzer #2’s own imagination:

Nake fat guy dancing

 

fatty.gif

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Foreign Pastries and the War on Terrorism

Ladies and Gentlemen….

The world is now safe. My mother was not allowed to bring her empanadas on board her flight home. For the uninitiated and the un-Mexican, empanadas are pastries which have a semi-circular dough like exterior and a filling that is the consistency of pumpkin pie filling. (and yes there are a few more cultures which have empanadas).

Well my mother called the airline for advice as to whether she could board with an empanada and they denied her due to it having a filling.  Wow…

If this is what America is coming to I do not like it.  I love this country but for the love of Pete, no empanadas.  Although there are the many terrorists that will MacGyver a pastry to bring the crew of a plane to their knees.  And God help us all if they had a Smuckers Uncrustable.

But if I were a terrorist I think I could smuggle in the necessary items without much hassle.  I would disguise myself as a female kindergarten teacher.  The large beaded necklace could be made out of C4 and the wire to attach to the power source would be in said necklace.  I would then power it with a toilet paper roll wrapped with the necklace wire and then have the energy go into a capacitor which I would get from my “earrings”.  Then I would eat paste and animal crackers while reflecting on my evil genius.

Things to be banned after the release of this article…

  • Large-bead necklaces (good because they are freaky anyways)
  • Toilet paper rolls
  • Earrings
  • Paste (bad because I need a tasty treat… well it is already banned I guess… well maybe not in gluestick form…)

Portzer #2

The Buy Will Ferrell Pants Fund

I like Will Ferrell, I think he is funny but… for the love of Pete, keep the pants on. I don’t need to see him in thongs, speedos or in anymore of that Conan O’Brien leprechaun debauchery. His naughty bits packed into the smallest area possible is not my idea of comedy.

So now I call to you people.  To join me in curbing this lewd behavior.  Will Ferrel’s scrunched package in dirty chonies is not funny!

Lets all raise money so children, grandmothers and men around the world do not see such tainted visions again.  His crotch will haunt your dreams.

Here is what I propose….

  1. Raise awareness through our banner campaign
  2. Raise money
  3. Hire engineers and fashion designers
  4. Fabricate a pair of baggy pants that cannot be removed

So please add the following banner to your page and lets get the man some pants to wear

P L E A S E   H E L P

Copy the following code to add to your site

Portzer #2…