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This is all Portzer #2’s fault

Indeed, the pain you are about to experience is the work of none other than portzer #2. In an email sent to me on April 4th, 2007, he directs my attention to new content for the blog.  And what he showed me was this monstrosity.  I cannot deny him his foul content wishes, because it would hamper creativity.  Censorship is a slippery slope.  Thus, behold, from the bowels of hades and portzer #2’s own imagination:

Nake fat guy dancing

 

fatty.gif

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[@nn3d

Yes sah. We got canned here at AOL, as predicted. Our Tucson site will be closing in December 16th and along with it our jobs. We get one month severance package (yay). I only wish they would start the severance early so I could chill while finding another job.

In any case here is how the day went. On Wednesday, October 18th I went into work and I saw the Channel 13 news van. I figured, either someone got shot, or we’re getting laid off. It was that simple. And I was correct on the second account. I walked in and immediately was greeted by the Workforce management person. They had us go into a room where we listened to a Human Resources person give a spiel about why our site was getting shutdown, and what our benefits were. Well we know this was going to happen (refer to this article).

It was funny, because I was already going to jump the second I got another job offer, so this did not have the “scary” effect they supposed it would have on me. I do however, feel sorry for those who were counting on this job as it will no doubt affect them unless they can get employment quickly.

In any case, I left with a bottled water and a threat not to talk to the media or we risk losing our severance package. (Good luck figuring out who I am). Obviously that went over well. I don’t know why they didn’t want us talking to the media, maybe the media would paint them in a bad light because they are keeping India call centers open. But people should’ve known that was going to happen the second the India callcenter’s opened.

They don’t “augment” workforces with India, they replace them. And it’s so common now no one will make a big fuss when it happens. Any remaining employees working for Dell or any other big company that outsources, your jobs are in jeopardy whether your company admits it or not. I suggest education and training, and looking for a more reliable position. I will not give away my plans as I feel it may be used to identify me, but needless to say I will not be in bad shape.

For those who got canned, we salute you!

portzer #3

What our Readers Want V: A New Hope

missle song eat fish

WTF!? WTF are you on man… 

teh cw

As you probably have sadly learned they turned Clark Kent into teh ghey…

roseanne barr nude

degenerate… damn dirty degenerate…

peeing in public pools

Be carefull of not doing this in some pools due to the special dye they put in it to detect when one has evacuated their bladder off all urine.  You could probably get away with this act in most public pools and some school ones but you never know.  It is like Russian roulette.  Fire off a round if you dare.  But if you are found out say you are quite hygenic and the red stuff is really from that chewable dye tablet that detects plaque on your teeth.

INTRODUCTION TO IRQ

I’m portzer #2 and… nm you probably wanted to know about real irq’s.  Well I find them boring so I won’t bother.  But the last time I seriously had to configure an IRQ was when I played Sam and Max hit the Road in DOS.

I want a deeper voice

Well I have thought about this since there have been many searches on this issue being directed to our site.  Either hit puberty or… Here’s my theory.  A man’s voice becomes higher when he is kicked in the crotch.  What if it was well… taken care of?  I say try pawing it like a little kitten and see if that helps.  Then we will all laugh at you because you played with yourself and we tricked you into doing so.

 I’m out foo’s

Portzer #2

What will Shiloh look like…

 

I have heard that two ugly parents that come together to make a child will normally have a gorgeous baby.  But what if the roles were reversed?  This may actually be demonstrated in the birth of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s new child, Shiloh.

Here at IRQ Portz we have worked tirelessly to bring these photos to you.  They were meticulously crafted from the famous photo of the baby released just last week and other details were pulled from photographs of the baby’s parents.

Shiloh – Age 7

Shiloh – 12

Now for our squeamish visitors we have hidden the link of the final progression photo.  We warn all of you that you should not be ingesting any food or beverage at the time of clicking this link.  We do recommend you have some alcohol and steel wool at hand so you may scrub the image from your mind…

LAST WARNING:

Click Here…

Sadly as you can see, Shiloh will look like an ugly male hobbit.  Also my theory has been proven that HOT PARENTS + BABY MAKING = SUPER FUGLINESS (By the way it was portzer 1 that said Brad Pitt was hot…)

When the children start chasing her around searching for “The One Ring” I’m sure Brangelina will pop into action and get some serious plastic surgery for the child.  Maybe they can take the kid back to Africa to live with the pygmies.  Maybe this one child with the bulgy eyes and forehead will be crowned Queen.