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What our Readers Want V: A New Hope

missle song eat fish

WTF!? WTF are you on man… 

teh cw

As you probably have sadly learned they turned Clark Kent into teh ghey…

roseanne barr nude

degenerate… damn dirty degenerate…

peeing in public pools

Be carefull of not doing this in some pools due to the special dye they put in it to detect when one has evacuated their bladder off all urine.  You could probably get away with this act in most public pools and some school ones but you never know.  It is like Russian roulette.  Fire off a round if you dare.  But if you are found out say you are quite hygenic and the red stuff is really from that chewable dye tablet that detects plaque on your teeth.

INTRODUCTION TO IRQ

I’m portzer #2 and… nm you probably wanted to know about real irq’s.  Well I find them boring so I won’t bother.  But the last time I seriously had to configure an IRQ was when I played Sam and Max hit the Road in DOS.

I want a deeper voice

Well I have thought about this since there have been many searches on this issue being directed to our site.  Either hit puberty or… Here’s my theory.  A man’s voice becomes higher when he is kicked in the crotch.  What if it was well… taken care of?  I say try pawing it like a little kitten and see if that helps.  Then we will all laugh at you because you played with yourself and we tricked you into doing so.

 I’m out foo’s

Portzer #2

Conan at the 2006 Emmy’s

Conan O’brien was a presenter at the Emmy’s last night.  The opening skit began with a parody of Lost but many people found it to be offensive.  Only two hours before a plane had crashed in Kentucky.  An actual plane crashing was not shown but extreme turbulence with Mr. O’Brien bouncing about was shown.

Yes this is a tragedy but how can you blame them for releasing something so close to the time it happened.  People really need to think about it this way…

Law & Order deals with murders so should everytime a murder takes place the show be yanked off the air? Or should shows be censored from having people dying in car accidents because the same thing happens in real life?

What type of guideline should these people use?  How big of a tragedy does it have to be in order to be worthy enough to yank the “objectional” content.

Just something to think about…

BTW Conan was funny…

Portzer #2

What our Readers Want III

This is the ongoing post that answers the question, “What do our readers want and how can we help them to find it?” This information is taken directly from phrases of what people use to search our site.

Male crotch pics

Dirty dirty people….

muay + thai + money

You came to the right place my friends.  As you know two of us have fought for money growing up.  In fact that is how portzer #1 and I met.  On the mean streets of Philly at the age of 18 with machetes in hand.  Of course the machetes were for show but by golly it was showmanship at its best.

control by diapers

What type of control are you looking for?  Mind control is out of the question but you can control many things with a diaper.  In fact I could think of controlling the movements of the human body, other than bowel and bladder.  I’m talking about doing that straight up Jackie Chan style.

What to do for an animal with no bladder

I say you tie little Timmy’s marmoset to the tree and beat it with a shovel. HAHA… I kid, but seriously, WTH are you talking about?  You hook that bad boy up to a fur friendly colostomy bag and you love that animal to pieces.

maximum loads male enhancer pills

Now loaded male enhancer pills are a dangerous thing.  If you are looking at putting in a silver bullet and cocking back the hammer you are playing with fire my friend… with fire… ::dramatic hand gestures::

fergie stain

Yes the dirty hoo hoo dilly of Fergie is legendary throughout the land

aol layoff rumors

Yeah… we know… : \ 

picters of swiming pools

Well by cracky we got picters of grampa simmons floatin’ a poo boat in the pool.  Actually the pool is our cattle pond…

ROSIE O’DONNELL HIGH SCHOOL PICTURE

I repeat: “Dirty, dirty people”

getting ticks off of you

We know your secret… Although I heard you can burn them off with a lighter… I don’t know, I just heard that somewhere ::scratches leg and gets out lighter::

Portzer #2

Showtime Celebrity Love Rotisserie

hit it and forget it 

Looks like Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake are splitting up.  Friends close to the couple say it isn’t true.  But you know what JT.  Dump her!  I actually spotted Diaz and Timberlake while on my honeymoon in Maui.  At Cheeseburgers in Paradise (yummy burgers and color changing collectors cups!).  She denied my wife a picture : (.  But I would have done the same if I had not spackled on concealer just 10 minutes previous to the photo.  Her skin is all freckly-like and she must have been in the ocean because her eyes were bloodshot.  But hey, we would have taken an autograph.  I should have snapped the photo anyways, ran out yelling “Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake in Cheeseburgers in Paradise.  She’s putting cheese on her head and snorting french fry seasoning”.

So now to who Timberlake is supposedly dating.  Mr. Ronco’s daughter, Lauren Popeil.  She is the heiress to the Ron Popeil Rotisserie cookin’, egg scramblin, pocket fishin’ fortune.  Which I’m sure dwarf’s Timberlake’s singing and acting career earnings combined.  Never deny the purchasing power of trailer people.  I must admit I have a little trailer person in me too, I like that rotisserie “Set it and Forget it!”.

So go for it Timberlake… For the trailer park person in all of us…

Portzer #2