Well I just had to post this new advertisement. If Superman Returns didn’t have enough articles about “is Superman gay?” then this will surely generate more.
Sweet merciful crap man… Poor poor Tom Welling…
And now I present the CW ad entitled “Teh GHEYNESS SUPREME”
I would like to personally nominate Nancy Grace for the reward of filling the airwaves with the most useless, drivel about a 10 year old case that no one cares about anymore. On Labor day (August 28th), I had the misfortune of going to a barbeque where the people had this CNN special playing aobut the JonBenet Ramsey case. I cannot count the number of times she repeated the same information, over and over in a mind-numbing southern drone. (Removed comment about throwing hamburgers at people with southern accents).
At the time I began to wonder, why does this 10 year old case matter? What is so much more special about a rich, blonde “beauty pageant contestant” getting killed than anyone else? I don’t get it. It’s been 10 years, can we drop it please? This also brings to mind the Natalie Holloway case, another rich, blonde. What’s the deal with the blondes?
The thing that annoyed me most about Nancy, is she kept going into a slow dramatic voice, and repeating the same grisly details about the murder over and over, as if its something new. I’m sorry, but re-reading a 10 year old police report is not news. Not only that, she said that sicko Karr guy was guilty of doing the crime without any evidence. Authorities said that he completely made it up. And why do you think he made it up? I bet she have never been on a fecal stained prison water slide in Thailand.
In anycase, CNN must’ve hired this lady to keep up with FOX new’s “it’s not news but we’re talking about it anyway” stories. It has the substance of cotton candy, you take a bite and it it melts into nothing. This lady needs to be on a soap opera, not a news show. That anguished, cheesy accent will come in quite handy.
*** Update: ***
It appears Nancy Grace has struck again. This time she tried to squeeze some tears and strife out of a completely unwilling Elizabeth Smart. Ms. Smart was clearly moving on with her life and talking about a victims bill or some such, when Mrs. Grace switched to her sappy sob voice and dove headfirst into unnecessary details about Elizabeth’s captivity. Elizabeth was furious. See for yourself!
Ladies and Gentlemen….
The world is now safe. My mother was not allowed to bring her empanadas on board her flight home. For the uninitiated and the un-Mexican, empanadas are pastries which have a semi-circular dough like exterior and a filling that is the consistency of pumpkin pie filling. (and yes there are a few more cultures which have empanadas).
Well my mother called the airline for advice as to whether she could board with an empanada and they denied her due to it having a filling. Wow…
If this is what America is coming to I do not like it. I love this country but for the love of Pete, no empanadas. Although there are the many terrorists that will MacGyver a pastry to bring the crew of a plane to their knees. And God help us all if they had a Smuckers Uncrustable.
But if I were a terrorist I think I could smuggle in the necessary items without much hassle. I would disguise myself as a female kindergarten teacher. The large beaded necklace could be made out of C4 and the wire to attach to the power source would be in said necklace. I would then power it with a toilet paper roll wrapped with the necklace wire and then have the energy go into a capacitor which I would get from my “earrings”. Then I would eat paste and animal crackers while reflecting on my evil genius.
Things to be banned after the release of this article…
- Large-bead necklaces (good because they are freaky anyways)
- Toilet paper rolls
- Paste (bad because I need a tasty treat… well it is already banned I guess… well maybe not in gluestick form…)
I like Will Ferrell, I think he is funny but… for the love of Pete, keep the pants on. I don’t need to see him in thongs, speedos or in anymore of that Conan O’Brien leprechaun debauchery. His naughty bits packed into the smallest area possible is not my idea of comedy.
So now I call to you people. To join me in curbing this lewd behavior. Will Ferrel’s scrunched package in dirty chonies is not funny!
Lets all raise money so children, grandmothers and men around the world do not see such tainted visions again. His crotch will haunt your dreams.
Here is what I propose….
- Raise awareness through our banner campaign
- Raise money
- Hire engineers and fashion designers
- Fabricate a pair of baggy pants that cannot be removed
So please add the following banner to your page and lets get the man some pants to wear
Copy the following code to add to your site
(Check this out, I’m going to do this with a little entertainment news style infused into the article. That means a mention of age and too many credits to be in one paragraph)
Haley Joel Osment of Jeff Foxworthy fame was in an accident recently. The “Bogus” (who he starred with Whoopie Goldberg in) actor was found hurt and had apparently tried to crawl out of the back of his 1995 Saturn station wagon…
That’s right a 95′ saturn station wagon… What the heck is this guy making when he does his Kingdom Hearts voice-overs, Walker Texas Ranger disturbing sauna stuff, Sesame Street, Second Hand Lions stuff? Maybe the wholesome looking Osment is throwing down the Benjamins for Candy LaYummy at the local interpretive pole dance bar (cause its uptown and what not). Not to mention supporting a $5,000 a day crack habit.
WTH!!!??? A 95′ Saturn Station Wagon?
Poor poor bastard…