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AOL stole my soul for 2 months severance and a frisbee

I sit here, now in my 4th, and almost fifth month of unemployment wondering where the hell I went wrong.  I wake up, job search and find that the last six years of my life were wasted on taking a road to nowhere with a hobo named Jarvis that would open my eyes to new levels of craptacularism.  Jarvis being AOL that is…

You see, Jarvis taught me how to be cynical and conniving.  It told me to take a hammer to Jiminy Crickets head if he dared chirp at me.  For where I was there was no need for hope.  All I needed were the brains of a chimp and the ability to accept what I was doing wouldn’t help the customer.  For five years I thought, “Hey they can’t be that dumb.” or ,”They’ll listen this time.”

So here I am before you, at home, in my chonies and looking to gain my humanity back.  Never again will I let a corporation take away pieces of me… well not unless they pay much better and give me some skills and experience I can take somewhere else…  Ugh, if I do that then I’ll have to say how much I’ve wasted trying to be successful in the eyes of those around me.  But at least I’ll be doing it from a leather chair in silk boxers.

 Portzer #2

Looking for a better life

::sniff:: ::sniff:: and crap like that…


Gnarls Barkley

I just heard their song “Crazy” on the MTV Movie Awards.  It is an awesome song.  I was a bit confused at first thinking Cee-lo was Gnarls Barkley.  This is perpetuated by the fact that he looks like a cross between Charles Barkley and that creepy toilet ghoulie.

Gnarls Ghoulie

You rock Danger Mouse… You rock Ghoul… ::ahem:: Cee-lo…

I can see into the future….

Ok, well maybe I can't and I just saw the dingles on Access Hollywood accidentally release the information on error. So anywho here is what happened. I was watching access hollywood then ::BAM:: "Sadly Elliot Yamin is going home…".

Of course I still watched the show and was happy to see that Taylor and Elliot got warm receptions from thousands on fans, not to mention both got days officially proclaimed for them. While the McPheester just got some high school kids she didn't know to cheer for her. For some reason she seems to have a hidden evil to her.

And finally what the poo is up with Paula Abdul. It looks like she's been partying with Bobby and Whitney. I'm suprised she hadn't launched herself on stage tearing off her clothes and yelling that the tangerine ape monster was coming for soul and rent money.  But that won't happen I guess because the addiction of choice seems to be alcohol since she is slurs her speech more than Joan Rivers after a double dose of botox.