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Street Fighter IV, and the new generation of wimpy gamers

Ever since a kid I’ve enjoyed the street fighter series, starting with Street fighter I.  I later moved onto Street fighter II and found it to be somewhat easier to beat, but much more fun vs human opponents.  After that I took a hiatus until the late 90s when all those “alpha” streetfighters showed up.  I’ve always enjoyed them, and always have been good at them.  Don’t get me wrong, the game can be frustrating, but as far as games in the big picture go, it’s not the hardest thing out there.

So I was surprised to read many blogs and reviews about Street Fighter IV, saying it was “too hard to beat”, even on “Easy setting.”  Hmm, I thought.  I eventually got around to getting the game mid March.  I played it, and after about an hour was fully warmed up.  I played through the entire game on “medium-hard” (second hardest), completely devastating the characters except for Blanka, he was the only guy who gave me trouble.  After about 5 tries with him I overcame him.  I play Ryu by the way.

All the characters after Blanka were a complete slaughter fest.  Even the last boss fell during my first try, beating him 2 out of 3 rounds.   He was cheap, sure.  But I would expect that from a last boss..  Anyway, I thought back to the blogs.  All the whining about the game made me laugh, “The game is too hard, all the computer does is use super moves.”   This game was very easy to beat, while using trivial attacks.  Here’s a tip:  super moves are a distraction for shallow gamers whose job it is to make real gamers look good.  It has always been more effective to use regular punches and kicks to down an opponent than to rely on graphical ooh and ahh effects.  I didn’t even use the super deluxe thing that builds up energy, not even once.  I didn’t know how, because at that time I beat it I hadn’t even read the manual yet.

I won’t tell you my secrets, but they involve a lot of punching and kicking.  “The game is too hard.”  We’ve got a new generation of gamers out there, and they suck.  Here’s a challenge, try Street Fighter I on an emulator, if you dare.  I have played it, it has to be the most inconsistent game ever.  Sometimes your hits land, sometimes they don’t.  There doesn’t appear to be any rhyme or reason to it.  Sometimes I will play the emulator through to the end in 10 minutes, other times I will flail hopelessly against the first two opponents until I give up.  Looking back I know why I dumped so many quarters into that game back in the day.  It was very unpredictable, and very unforgiving.  Don’t get me wrong, when I won it it was a well deserved win.  You could never let your guard down in that game.  If you can get over the primitive graphics, you will realize that you have got it easy with SF IV.

Portzer #3

Diamond in the rough

Dustin Diamond exuding his martial arts prowess

Well it turns out the dork of 'Saved by the Bell' fame is on hard times.  He needs $250,000 to save his home from foreclosure.  I read in his imdb.com biographical information that he was a black belt in karate.  He also defeated Ron Palillo in a 'Celebrity Boxing' match.  So why does Mr. Diamond not use his karate ways to do the following:

  1. Open a dojo
  2. Karate chop old ladies for their money and cat food
  3. Roundhouse the old ladies' cats in the head and sell their pelts in the black market fur trade
  4. Switch to Ramen noodles (call centers going out of business do)
  5. Fashion clothing out of pototato bags, go live in the wilderness, eat bugs and preach the evils of lending companies
  6. Unleash karate justice upon GIRALDO
  7. Sell shirts on http://www.getdshirts.com/

Ok you don't need karate for all of it but it sure helps you to pursuade people.   Fight on Dustin!

COBRA KAI!!

portzer #2

Naga Babas

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We start this post, with a picture. First, you see the Indian actress from Mumbai, India. Behind her oddly, is one of the rare Hindu known as “Naga Baba.” Naga means “naked”, and Baba means “Father” or “Uncle.” In this case, we do not know why the Naga Baba is in the photo.

Let’s get more in-depth about these so-called “nude uncles”. First, you must know, they cover themselves from head to toe in what looks to be ashes. I’m not quite sure what it is, could be anything that resembles that pasty color; flour, powdered sugar, coccaine, etc. Well, you get the point. Some have speculated that it may even be dried bodily fluids, hmmm. Secondly, they also have this fun habit of wrapping and stretching their mr. happy around a stick, just like a clown uses those flexible balloons to make colorful circus animals. Ever go to a carnival and see them make salt water taffy? Salt water taffy machine image can be seen here:

taffy_machine_pink2.jpg

Now try to visualize this image but first replace those metal rotators with a stick from a tree. Next, replace the taffy with the mr. happy. Hit the “on” button and watch the process begin. Well, this is exactly what they do. I do not know the benefit of doing this, and to be clear, it looks quite painful. The consensus is that they are “above” the notion of human sexuality, and only see their thingee as a “prop” for demonstrating weird stretching rituals on public streets.

For those of you who would like to view a real life, Naga Baba video, click below to view it. I must warn you in advance, this video is definitely not work safe as it depicts national geographic style nudity, and once watching it you cannot “undo” the mental imagery. However, it can be quite uplifting in a “my life could be worse” kind of way. The song is also quite catchy. If you are not afraid, this foul yet educational documentary can be seen at You tube, credit goes to DennisTheRed.

Techie Fight Club

Ok, now this borders on the ridiculous.  Tech guys with ivy league degrees use household items such as frying pans and tennis rackets.  Now as I told you in an earlier posting I used to street brawl for money.  I would be able to lay the smack down no problem.  But what about little Kenny Johsnon who has been playing a little too much Tekken 5 and downed a can of Red Bull.  He’ll be so cracked out of his mind that he may just go to Beatdown ’06.  But the sad thing is he’s only able to do 3 push ups and 5 situps before exhaustion hits.  So when Sanjay Gupta comes at him with 10 pounds of curry justice there will be no doubt he’s gonna have an aneurysm.  Not to mention Nguyen rumbling in with his instant Kancho death touch and Crazy 5 Masters Peanut Pull.

 All I’m saying is that some people are gonna get hurt and I can’t see why these guys would do it.  They should do something more constructive with their time like expand and refurnish their basement.  Because there is no doubt these fools are living beneath the floorboards of Ma and Pa’s house even though they make bank or they wouldn’t be doing this…

I mean look at that picture.  Looks like two mentally handicapped atheletes down at the local elementary school polishing their Muay Thai skills for the Special Olympics.

 WOof!!