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Bill Gates and the Oompa Loompa Empire…

Am I not turtley enough for the turtle club. Turtle, turtle, turtle!

Well it appears that Mr. Gates is going to step down from running day to day operations at Microsoft.  I guess it will be really nice to chill at home and sip a 40.  I mean come on, the dude is more powerful than Oprah.  I guess he is going to retire so that he can protect the secret treasure that our forefathers had hidden for hundreds of years.  Or he can hopefully go through a mid-life crisis, buy a Jag, get a Clay Aiken haircut, two monkeys that do Aikido and eat broccoli, and learn a new sense of fashion from Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen (that's right oversized rose colored glasses, big wooden beads and a shirt that will show off his non-existent chest).  I say hopefully because he looks like the character Dana Carvey played to get into the Turtle club.  What makes it even further amusing is if you imagine Gates running in slow motion with his lips out and his head hunched over while Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive" plays in the background.  'Im a coWboy, on a steel horse IIII riiIIIIiide!!! IIIII'mMm WANTED DEAD OR ALIIIIIIIIVE!!!'

Well, I think we portzers (not portzer #1) will be ruling the world soon.  Through ninjitsu, |_33+ [0d||\|G, and our savvy business sense.  While I think portzer #1 will be left homeless having lost all of his money running a poop site with Mr. Greenstein.  Although, by our search and tag hits, it looks like the poo is popular.

Well good luck and have fun Bill.

Ride on cowboy… ride on…

portzer #2

What will Shiloh look like…

 

I have heard that two ugly parents that come together to make a child will normally have a gorgeous baby.  But what if the roles were reversed?  This may actually be demonstrated in the birth of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s new child, Shiloh.

Here at IRQ Portz we have worked tirelessly to bring these photos to you.  They were meticulously crafted from the famous photo of the baby released just last week and other details were pulled from photographs of the baby’s parents.

Shiloh – Age 7

Shiloh – 12

Now for our squeamish visitors we have hidden the link of the final progression photo.  We warn all of you that you should not be ingesting any food or beverage at the time of clicking this link.  We do recommend you have some alcohol and steel wool at hand so you may scrub the image from your mind…

LAST WARNING:

Click Here…

Sadly as you can see, Shiloh will look like an ugly male hobbit.  Also my theory has been proven that HOT PARENTS + BABY MAKING = SUPER FUGLINESS (By the way it was portzer 1 that said Brad Pitt was hot…)

When the children start chasing her around searching for “The One Ring” I’m sure Brangelina will pop into action and get some serious plastic surgery for the child.  Maybe they can take the kid back to Africa to live with the pygmies.  Maybe this one child with the bulgy eyes and forehead will be crowned Queen.