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“Dr. Airportlove or how I learned to scare with the toothpaste bomb…”

oils and lubes

So it appears another terrorist plot was averted. Airports have been slowed to a crawl due to the most recent threat. The plot was believed to be near execution and was believed to target flights headed towards New York, Washington, and California.

The suspects were planning to make a bomb out of liquids and gels in harmless appearing containers. All liquids, gels and some portable media devices are being banned from boarding the planes. This leaves thousands of Londoners without their rave music, glowsticks and X. Not to mention little Bobby’s cheese whiz. No huffing for you. Only essential medications and baby food are being allowed on board.

Can’t anyone see!! It’s the babies damn it, they are the terrorist. Who knows what kind of backwash they hid in their mother’s bossoms (a backup plan if their food was not let aboard). Not to mention the diapers (AKA dirty bombs).

I know this is possible. I’ve seen Baby Geniuses 1 & 2. I have watched it over and over, studying their ways and analyzing their behaviors.

Beware the MacGyver babies… BEWARE!!

Portzer #2

P.S.

Soon I see us all flying around in planes more barren than NASA’s KC-135 while in the nude. How do you vision the big lady sitting next to you now…?

p.s. p.s.

…that would be a big ol’ saggy booby on yo leg

Cell phone rage

Naomi Campbell

Naomi Campbell – taking lessons from Ike Turner, is beating the crap out of her subordinates.  It is not clear what have driven her to violence, but a combination of getting older, a face that looks like it is covered in parafin wax, and crack cocaine are likely culprits.

In 2003, Naomi threw a cell phone at her victim, an assistant, while throwing a temper tantrum.  It became clear that Naomi loves using phones as weapons.  In 2006 she upped the anti by apparently wielding a cell phone and dropping bombs on her replacement assistant’s dome. This latest assistant needed four stitches to the cranium after they cleaned her up.

What causes cell phone rage?  As mentioned Naomi has had a lot of plastic surgery.  Her face looks like it has been preserved by aliens, with a 1,000 year shelf life.  Most people just get old, Naomi gets even, with her face.  Now this kind of mentality can lead to random violence, like when she looks in the mirror and notices what looks like a piece of cellophane peeling off of her cheek.  That type of occurence does not promote inner peace.

What’s next for Naomi?  I would recommend a dual-wield setup with a Motorola in the main hand and a Kyocera in the weak hand for maximum damage.  Motorola’s are heavier and have more stopping power.  While Kyocera’s allow for light and quick attacks that send the target fleeing in terror.  As for durability of the phones, that is not certain as it was not their design to be wielded as a weapon.

There are pioneers for everything, for Naomi campbell, her claim to fame will be cell phone rage.